It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything on here. Life has been busy on all fronts and I’ve struggled to find the time to finish a post. What you are about to read is actually an amalgamation of 3 separate posts I had started writing but never had time to finish.
It’s been a mixed bag of training the past month. When I started this challenge I was quietly confident, but approaching it cautiously just in case I fell behind on things. Now I’m ready to admit it though – at times I feel I may have bitten off a little more than I can chew. Having a full-time job – fine. Training for a bike ride – no problem. Planning a wedding – actually quite enjoyable. Doing all 3 at once? I’m tired. So very tired.
As readers of this blog will know, in February Hollie and I took a wedding related trip to Scotland. I struggled to find a good routine of healthy eating and training in the weeks that followed. Just as I started to get back on track our next adventure to Scotland was upon us – this time to meet with our wedding photographer. Just like before, the weeks that followed had me struggling to find a routine.
The impact of this has been felt both physically and mentally. I’ve struggled more with training rides which have become harder (and longer). Rather than feeling fitter every day I feel a little stagnant. To add to my struggles there’s only just over 5 weeks until the wedding and I’ve fallen behind in getting in shape. This wreaks havoc with my self-esteem and mental health and sets off a vicious circle. I’m not being healthy so I feel low on energy and motivation. I’m low on energy and motivation so I don’t eat well or exercise. I then feel even lower on energy and motivation which results in… You see how this works.
I wish I was one of these people who loved exercise, but I don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I love getting out on my bike for a leisurely ride, taking in the scenery and spending time with friends and family. It feels different when you put pressure on yourself to train for a long-distance ride and get in shape for a wedding though! The spontaneity and fun often lacks in these rides. It almost feels like a chore at times.
For all the distain I have for exercise in general, however, the benefits are undeniable. Not just in my fitness and physical appearance, but in improving my mental health and energy levels. I can be in the worst of moods, but a good bike ride or a trip to the gym can change that (although I’m not always willing to accept it at the time).
For me, the hardest part is motivating myself to get out and train, rather than putting in the effort once I’ve started. With cycling it tends to be the barrier of getting the bike out of the shed and getting ready to go (pathetic, I know). In my head I build it up to be a real effort but it’s really not. It takes a couple of minutes. If you think that is bad though, the gym is even worse! For a long time the thought of having to go to the gym has been a painful one for me. The internal debate of whether or not to go is one that I have battled on numerous occasions over the years. This is a genuine example of one of these battles:
05:00 - Alarm goes. I’m too tired to head to the gym. I make my excuses and decide to go after work instead. Time to get back to sleep for an hour and a half.
06:30 – Alarm goes for the second time. I’m shattered as I’ve not managed to get back to sleep. I feel worse than I did at 05:00. I take a shower, have a coffee and head off for another day in the office.
09:00 – The first hour of work has been tough but I’ve made it through. I’m feeling a little more positive now and actually looking forward to heading to the gym straight from work. I decide to reward this positive thinking with a coffee… and a biscuit… or chocolate… or both - it depends what’s on offer.
14:00 – I’ve made the classic mistake of working through my lunch break. I convince myself that it would make sense to have dinner before the gym to ensure I’m adequately fuelled for the work out of a lifetime!
18:30 – Dinner was good and I am relaxed. So relaxed that I no longer want to go to the gym. I’ve promised myself I’d go though, so I get in the car and head off to the gym.
18:45 – I’m parked up outside the gym, wishing I had gone in the morning so it was out of the way. I walk to the doors, tired, but ready to at attempt a workout. I grip the door handle and take those next few painful steps…
19:00 – I’m already back home. I never made it inside the gym. As I opened the door I had the stark realisation that I was far too “tired” to have an effective workout, so I headed home.
19:05 – Riddled with guilt for being so lazy, I tell myself to learn from my mistakes and go to the gym before work tomorrow, rather than repeating what happened today. I come up with the genius idea to go after work too - just to make up for the missed session. Absolved of guilt, I start to relax.
20:30 – I’m bored and agitated. I’m not great at sitting around watching TV, and that’s exactly what I’ve ended up doing. I grow frustrated with myself as I know I should have gone to the gym. I could have worked out, felt good, relaxed and enjoyed the few hours left in the day before sleep. Instead I’ve just sat.
22:30 – Frustrated with how the day panned out I head to bed ready for whatever the next day has in store for me. I confidently set the alarm for 05:00, ready to get things back on track.
02:00 – Wide awake and frustrated, I change the alarm from 05:00 to 06:30. I decide to skip the morning gym session as I’ve already planned to go after work tomorrow anyway.
It’s a ridiculous situation. My inner lazy person builds the gym up to be far more painful than it actually is. In the same way it builds up the effort required to get ready for a bike ride to be far more time consuming than it actually is. Once I get through the doors or out on the bike I’m fine. I put on my headphones, turn up the music and slip away in to my own little fantasy world where my imagination runs wild. Before I know it, an hour will have gone by and I’ll be feeling positive and ready to go home and relax with my beautiful fiancée.
Now, I know exercise isn’t everyone’s bag - and I can certainly think of more fun things to do! What this has shown me, however, is that a small behaviour change, a small break in a thought process or just doing something different, can completely change how the next few minutes, hours or days go.
I try to keep examples like this in mind now when my inner procrastinator starts with the excuses. Remembering how frustrated I was compared to that successful post exercise feeling has been a good motivator for me in the past. It’s helped me to keep up appearances at the gym and keep getting out on the bike. This time around it’s had mixed success, but it’s still success.
On another positive note, in recent weeks I’ve finally started to find a routine. I’m still behind where I wanted to be but I’m starting to get some big miles (and hills) under my belt. The last few training rides have seen me go from around 30 miles to 70 miles, with a 75 mile ride booked in for Sunday.
From previous long distance rides I know my wall starts to kick in around 70 miles so it’s really good to at least be training that distance a few times before the event.
Only 32 days to go…